


How I Met Your Mother

by Amoreanonyname



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Blurrywife, F/F, HARD gen, M/M, Soulmates Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Wincest - Freeform, gencest, ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-18 22:16:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29740704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amoreanonyname/pseuds/Amoreanonyname
Summary: Three chapters exploring different potential identities for Sam's Blurry Wife.
Relationships: Amelia Richardson/Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester, Sam Winchester/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 20
Kudos: 21





	1. It was Eileen

**Author's Note:**

> I've been bouncing between a few different theories/headcanons about who Sam's Blurry Wife could be, and I wanted to put a few different ideas out there. I noticed a couple of recurring themes as I wrote this:
> 
> 1) I kept rounding back to the idea of "honesty": In the past when Sam's tried to start over without Dean, he's tended to hide his past and a lot of things about himself, playing a character more than anything else. Given what we saw in the finale, it was important to me to show Sam being honest with his partner about who he was and what he could reasonably give them on an emotional level, and see Sam living a more integrated life as the finale suggested.
> 
> 2) My wincesty heart cannot wrap my mind around Sam ever really falling in love with anyone - again, this is also reflected in the finale, with Sam zapping to Dean in Heaven (without his wedding band). My own shippiness aside, it's hard for me to picture Sam meeting someone and falling in love while waiting to be reunited with his brother and then spending eternity with him. I feel like whoever he met, it had to be something other than a straightforward romance.
> 
> Also: Jared Padalecki has since suggested that Sam probably wouldn't settle down with Eileen or anyone else in the hunting life - but even as someone who was never much into Saileen, there are enough compelling ideas around Eileen as the "Blurry Wife" that I wanted to flesh it out anyway.

It was Eileen.

Sam had gone to that hunt in Austin, half out of his mind. He barely remembered the drive there. He’d turned off the lights in the Bunker, packed Miracle in the car, and knew, before he was willing to admit it to himself, that he would never go back. 

It was just a matter of what would happen instead.

Sam didn’t want to outright admit that he planned on dying on that hunt. He knew Dean would be disappointed. But he also knew how Dean handled being in the same position Sam was in right now. He’d forgive him, he’d get over it. He didn’t want to let Dean down, but… he knew he wasn’t really in shape to hunt, he was sluggish and distracted. He could barely see through his tears while he drove. He bargained with himself - he wouldn’t die _on purpose_ , but an accident was an accident… right? 

But once he got there, he found out he wasn’t alone. 

Eileen didn’t normally go in for werewolf hunts. But she had been nearby, she’d heard a few suspicious things. And frankly, she was probably the only reason Sam _did_ live through that hunt. 

Sam had a lot of apologizing to do. He’d dropped her like a hot rock after everything with Chuck. It was just… too much, too overwhelming. He never felt like he could give her what she really needed or deserved. He had his life and his family, and he just never felt like he could fit Eileen in without hurting someone.

And she _understood_. She didn’t need to forgive Sam, had no reason to do it, but she did. She held him as he wept over his brother. He stayed that night with her, and the next. Let himself get lost in it for a few days, let himself get distracted. Tried not to feel guilty.

The truth was, Eileen was a rolling stone, she was a hunter. She _liked_ Sam, but she wasn’t looking for some Big Love Story. She wasn’t looking for a _soulmate_ \- which was good, because Sam could never be one. 

They hunted together a few times, but it never quite worked. They could never quite sync up, they weren’t on the same page. Sam would take over and get too protective over her. At the same time, there was a _wrongness_ to it that Sam couldn’t shake. 

The truth was, hunting was only something he’d wanted to do with his brother. He didn’t want to do it without his brother.

Sam gradually stepped away from hunting. He and Eileen continued seeing each other when she was around - it was nice for him, having that connection, having someone who knew him _before_ , knew all the parts of him, and understood. Like with another woman in his past, being with her got Sam through the storm, kept him alive until he could start to stand on his own again. But this time was cleaner, more honest, more _right_.

He loved her, albeit as a close friend.

But as Sam retreated from hunting, he found himself at loose ends. Everyone he knew hunted. Eileen hunted. He still had friends, he still had people who cared, but they had their own lives, were doing their own things. He didn’t really fit in anymore. He could get a civilian job, rebuild a life. But what _purpose_? 

It took a long time for him to admit what he really wanted.

Sam had functioned for most of his life as part of a family. 

Sam wanted to be part of a family.

Eileen was a hard sell for the idea. She was honest that she’d never been particularly interested in the settled life, or having a child. She was a hunter, she hunted, and Sam knew better than most how well parenting worked with hunting. She was happy the way things were.

Eventually, an agreement was struck: a child for Sam. Eileen, after recovering, would continue hunting, would continue moving around, while Sam held the fort. Sam thought wryly that it sounded rather like something _his brother_ had tried, many years ago. But this was different. 

There were no illusions about what they were. Mostly, they were friends. Admittedly with benefits.

A courthouse marriage, solely for the tax breaks for Sam and the health benefits for Eileen. Sam was preparing to return to law. 

It was an arrangement that, had anyone else suggested it to Sam, he would have scoffed. It _should_ have been a disaster. These things always were. All he could do was thank his lucky stars (and, perhaps, Jack) that Eileen truly did just want an occasional fling when she was in the area. A woman who wanted to fall in love would have had her heart broken by Sam. Sam couldn’t fall in love. Sam, well, Sam on a good day was walking around with half his soul, a constant throbbing ache, a missing limb. Sam was the _definition_ of “emotionally unavailable”. 

But he was grateful. Incredibly grateful for the gift she’d given him, what she was willing to do for him.

When he held baby Dean in his arms for the first time, he felt a love and devotion he hadn’t thought was possible for him anymore. He felt a rush of protectiveness that twisted in his gut and reminded him painfully of his brother. For the last few years, everything in Sam’s life - even Eileen - had been something of a blur, had been washed out and unfocused. Dean was the first thing he’d truly been able to see in-colour and in-detail.

True to his word, he set up house and home, and set to raising their boy. True to her word, once she was up and about, once Dean was weaned, Eileen returned to the road. She came through regularly, visited, caught up with her son, warmed Sam’s bed for a few nights.

That was what she wanted. That was what he wanted. 

Over time, they settled into a different kind of normal. Eileen still visited, still caught up with Sam, still caught up with Dean, but the physical aspect of their relationship gradually faded away. Honest every step of the way, they mellowed into old friends, connected via their child. 

Eventually, Sam got the call he had always expected, but tried not to think about. 

Hunters rarely live to an old age. 

This time, he didn’t burn her in a pyre, but he did have her cremated. He invited their mutual hunter friends over - those that were left. 

It was a different sort of funeral than Dean’s had been. With his son by his side and surrounded by friends, they said goodbye to Dean’s mother, to Sam’s friend. Sam felt a heaviness in his heart he hadn’t realized he could still feel for anyone else - a grief for a woman who had given him everything, had given him a new lease on life and a new reason to go on.

He hadn’t wanted to raise his son surrounded by death. But he did want to keep the memories alive of the ones who were no longer with them. Just as he taught his boy about his namesake, about their parents, about Bobby and their entire family, about hunting, he made sure he would know and remember all the little, wonderful things about his mother. 


	2. The Austin Widow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was a young widow in Austin.

It was a young widow in Austin. 

Sam hadn’t expected to live through that hunt. But somehow he had.

He hadn’t been able to save the husband, but he had saved the wife - now a young widow, her glassy, grief-shadowed eyes matching Sam’s as he wrapped things up and said his goodbyes. 

Always the adios.

Sam had encountered a lot of grieving people, grieving families, freshly-minted widows and widowers, in his life. They had never stuck around. They always had people to support them, people they could call. Sam and Dean weren’t therapists - hell, were they _ever_ not therapists - there was nothing they could do about the emotional fallout of the things that went bump in the night. All they could do was get rid of the thing that had caused the pain and move along.

Later, she said she saw something in Sam, something that felt like what she was going through. Even she couldn’t really explain _why_ she’d done it. But just as Sam turned to leave, she caught his wrist and asked if he could stay with her a little longer. 

It was a bad idea. It was a terrible idea. Her husband had died _that day_. Dean had died _weeks ago_. They were both in terrible shape. They were both grief-stricken messes. Sam knew it was a distraction. 

But he had nowhere else to go, no one else to talk to, nothing else to do.

So he stayed. 

And he stayed. 

And they both understood. 

She talked about her husband, and Sam talked about Dean, and he was too far gone to really care how messed up it sounded. Later on, she’d admit she’d found it a bit weird - but she already knew what Sam’s life was, and accepted that - accepted SamandDean - as part of that reality. Sam wasn’t normal, his life wasn’t normal, the fact that he grieved so hard for his brother he could barely see probably wasn’t normal, and she knew him in a context of _not normal_.

For the first time, Sam told a civilian woman the truth about his life. Not everything, not every detail. But for the first time in his life, he didn’t try to start over as someone else, didn’t try to hide who he was. He didn’t know or care what she’d think of it - he didn’t really care about anything. The same recklessness that had propelled him towards a hunt when he was mired in grief, compelled him to tell his story with no regard for the future.

She was alone. No siblings, elderly parents. Her and her husband had discussed children, had plans to start trying that year. 

She was in her late 30s. All she’d ever wanted was to be a mother. She was scared she’d never have that.

She was alone.

Sam thought it was crazy. He had understood long ago that kids weren’t part of the package for his life. Honestly, he had never particularly _wanted_ kids, until Jack landed in his life and woke up some buried paternal instinct in him. _Dean_ had been the one who had secretly wanted kids, so secretly he had hoped even Sam wouldn’t realize.

Dean had wanted kids.

And the truth was, even while Sam understood that kids don’t exist to fulfill their parents’ emotional needs - did he _ever_ understand, as John Winchester’s son, that kids weren’t supposed to fulfill their parents’ emotional needs - the idea grew on him. A child to give him purpose. A child to give him family. A child to teach, a child to love, a child to honor his brother. A Winchester. Another Winchester, the ultimate sign that Chuck and destiny and all the crap hadn’t completely destroyed the family. A free Winchester to walk the Earth, unencumbered by the brutality his ancestors had been forced to deal with.

Sam was out of his mind. But he agreed.

A quickie marriage, to get Sam on her benefits. A pregnancy, happening quick enough. Sam suddenly realized he hadn’t been hunting, and suddenly realized he didn’t need to hunt, and suddenly realized he _shouldn’t_ hunt anymore. Now there were more important things.

Between him and her, they understood. She had her grief and he had his. He hated to admit that he was _glad_ she was a widow. But it meant mutual understanding. This wasn’t a love story. This wasn’t soulmates finding each other. They already had soulmates. 

But they could do this for each other.

For a few years they built a nice life, a harmonious life. They were focused on their son. Sam’s will prevailed in naming him _Dean_. 

As Dean grew up, something disjointed grew between Sam and Dean’s mother.

They weren’t in love, and never really had been.

They loved their son. Whatever had existed between them, it had given them what they had both needed. And it had run its course. For the shaky foundation it had been built on, Sam thought it had ultimately stood fairly well. But it had never been meant to last.

There were no hard feelings, no acrimony. It felt bittersweet. Separate homes, parting as friends, coming together for Dean’s birthday, for holidays, for graduations and events. 

Years later, during Sam’s final illness, she was still alive, with a new partner. She called regularly, and got updates from Dean. When the end was near, she also came to say goodbye, but left their son alone with him at the very end. 

Sam was surrounded by his son, by his parents, by his brother, by his family, dying with a smile on his face. 


	3. It Was Amelia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam had never thought he’d see her again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I gotta be honest, I can't remember what made me first think of Amelia, but once I started writing it - this idea really grew on me! It's like the ultimate Season 8 fix-it. This might now be one of my favourite theories.

It was Amelia.

Sam had never thought he’d see her again. In fact, she was painful to think about. Not for the usual reasons - as time went by, she hadn’t so much been a _lost love_ , but a symbol of one of the harshest, darkest times between him and his brother. One of the biggest lies he’d ever told himself, one of the biggest hypocrisies Dean had ever admitted to. 

Amelia was just associated with a lot of bad memories.

On Sam’s end, it wouldn’t have been so bad if he’d been honest about what it was. But he needed it to be a love story. He needed it to be big enough and important enough that it justified him not going back. Not going back to hunting. Not checking the phones. Not making sure Kevin was okay. 

Not finding out what had happened to his brother.

Sam couldn’t stand to think of what had happened to his brother. He didn’t want to know what had happened to his brother. 

What he had with Amelia had saved his life. It hadn’t been a _bad_ _thing_. But Sam had turned it into something it wasn’t. She was grieving and scared and alone and running and hiding and angry and damaged and just wanted it all to _go away_. Sam could relate. They played pretend and acted like they weren’t broken.

The aftermath, the fallout, when real life came back. When _Dean_ came back, when reality came back. The coldness that seized Sam’s insides when he realized Dean had been alive the whole time, had needed him, had needed to get back to him. While Sam distracted himself. While Sam failed. 

Again.

And Sam didn’t want to go back, didn’t want to risk it all again, didn’t want to see that look on his brother’s face, didn’t want to live in the same world as a vampire who had been a better brother than he was. Didn’t want to fail again, didn’t want to let him down again, didn’t want to be the little brother who screwed up again, who Dean had to forgive again. Didn’t want to open himself up to his brother again, only for something else to kill one of them. He wanted to go hide with her again. 

But he didn’t. Her husband was back. Dean was back. Reality was back, and even when Dean looked him in the eye and told him he could go, Sam didn’t go. 

Because with all that pain and all that crap, he and Dean finally had to admit the things they hadn’t been admitting.

Hunting hadn’t been an interruption to Sam’s life. It _was_ Sam’s life. 

Dean had been way too pissed off. Way too jealous. Dean didn’t want Sam to be with anyone else.

Sam didn’t want Dean to have another brother. 

So Sam would take the hunting, he’d take the blood and pain, he’d take the risks, the crappy motels, the life on the road, the fake IDs, his brother’s disappointment, he’d take all of it.

So they sat down in that dingy cabin with their beer and their bowls of chili, and they looked each other and nodded, and wasn’t it like them to somehow condense so many things into a little jerk of the head? And Sam tried to close the gates of Hell but nearly died and stood at an altar with his brother and chose him over everything while Dean wrapped his hand and pulled him into his arms.

None of it was fun or easy, but in the end, it was the only decision to make. 

And Amelia became a bad memory.

But he was in Texas again, his world had imploded again, he had a damn dog in his car again, and he somehow bumped into her in a damn store. He actually wondered at times if Jack had had anything to do with it, “hands off” or not. She was older, faded. 

This time, Don hadn’t come back. This time, it was confirmed. This time, she knew for sure.

So did Sam.

And just like before, everything was inside out and wrong. Neither of them were running, and there was nowhere else for either of them to go. They were broken people and they knew it, and they weren’t hiding or pretending. 

And what was the biggest, wrongest, most broken thing they could do? Go back to each other.

Sam fell into her bed - this time a nicer, suburban house in Austin, not a janky motel room or broken-down bungalow in Kermit. They fell into each other. They decided to do it all again, because why the hell not. 

Sam thought wryly of what Dean would think of this, and thought that Dean was probably grimacing down at him from Heaven right at that moment. 

But actually, he thought Dean would be okay. Dean had never really hated “the girl” - he hadn’t even known “the girl” - what he’d hated was the dishonesty. 

They’d always hated it when they lied to each other. 

But now… he knew it was different now. He knew Dean didn’t want him to be alone and miserable or tearing the world apart. He just wanted to be the one waiting for Sam at the finish line. He wanted to be Sam’s home.

And he was. He always would be.

And all at once, Sam saw this as an opportunity to set something right. For him and her, for Don and Dean. 

Amelia talked about Don and he talked about Dean, and they were everything they weren’t the last time around. They were honest. 

This time around, they didn’t drift. They made a plan. They got a new house, one that would be theirs. Sam went back to school, got a job. 

They had a baby. Because they both needed to. They got married. Because they felt they should. 

They did what they’d tried to do before, but better. Cleaner. 

If they were pretending, they both knew they were. But this time, Sam knew they weren’t running. 

One day, sitting in the Impala, Amelia in the house with little Dean, Sam felt a lightness in his heart he hadn’t felt in years, a feeling he wasn’t used to anymore.

His brother was telling him it was okay. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! As always, feedback is welcome!


End file.
